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on 1:TEXT:!women*:#:{ if ($chan == #xBNC) { HALT }
  var %woman = $rand(1,1)
  if (%woman == 1) msg $chan 1,1___.6,1(_^o^_)1,1_____
  if (%woman == 1) msg $chan 1,1_6,1/1,1.6,1(_o_)(_o_)1,1.6,1\1,1__.
  if (%woman == 1) msg $chan 6,1/1,1_.6,1/)1,1______6,1(\1,1_.6,1\1,1_.
  if (%woman == 1) msg $chan 1,1__6,1/1,1___6,1{|}1,1___6,1\1,1......
  if (%woman == 1) msg $chan 1,1__6,1\1,1___6,1\1,1_6,1/1,1__.6,1/1,1_....
  if (%woman == 1) msg $chan 1,1___6,1\1,1___6,1|1,1__.6,1/1,1____
}

on 1:TEXT:!porno*:#:{
  var %porno = $rand(1,1)
  if (%porno == 1) msg $chan 0,1/`1,1::0,1`.__1,1...........0,1IRC PORN
  if (%porno == 1) msg $chan 0,1\_ _.,1,1::0,1`'-._ _.--.
  if (%porno == 1) msg $chan 1,1:0,1_`_1,1::0,1) |1,1:::::0,1/ 1,1:0,1_ \
  if (%porno == 1) msg $chan 0,1/1,1:::0,1`/ /'---./ 1,1:0,1/ \ \--.__
  if (%porno == 1) msg $chan 0,1\__./ /--..1,1::::0,1/``-\ '-.___`\
  if (%porno == 1) msg $chan 1,1:::0,1'-'1,1:::::0,1`--`1,1:::::0,1`--`1,1:::0,1\/
}

on *:text:!pickpocket*:#:{
  msg $chan 12,14 $me walks up to $2 silently...
  .timer 1 2  msg $chan 0,2 $me carefully reaches inside $2 $+ 's pocket and finds...
  var %item = $rand(1,12)
  if (%item == 1) .timer 1 2 msg $chan 2,0 A cell phone!
  if (%item == 2) .timer 1 2 msg $chan 3,9 money!
  if (%item == 3) .timer 1 2 msg $chan 5,0 A wallet! w00t!
  if (%item == 4) .timer 1 2 msg $chan 0,1 A receipt... -.-
  if (%item == 5) .timer 1 2 msg $chan 14,1 An ipod!!!
  if (%item == 6) .timer 1 2 msg $chan 7,0 Cigarettes... blah...
  if (%item == 7) .timer 1 2 msg $chan 4,0 A lighter... wonder what that's for...
  if (%item == 8) .timer 1 2 msg $chan 1,4 OMG! A condom!
  if (%item == 9) .timer 1 2 msg $chan 15,0 A quarter ~ wooptido -.-
  if (%item == 10) .timer 1 2 msg $chan 13,0 Yummy! Bubble gum!
  if (%item == 11) .timer 1 2 msg $chan 12,0 Nuthin...
  if (%item == 12) .timer 1 2 msg $chan 12,14 Lint???
}

Change the * in a u!

on 1:TEXT:!f*ck*:#:{
  inc %fu*kcount
  var %f*ck = $rand(1,1)
  if (%f*ck == 1) msg $chan ...................../´¯/)
  if (%f*ck == 1) msg $chan ...................,/¯../
  if (%f*ck == 1) msg $chan ................../..../
  if (%f*ck == 1) msg $chan ............./´¯/'...'/´¯'·¸
  if (%f*ck == 1) msg $chan ........../'/../...../..... /¨¯\
  if (%f*ck == 1) msg $chan ........('(...´...´... ¯~/'...')
  if (%f*ck == 1) msg $chan .........\.................'.../
  if (%f*ck == 1) msg $chan ..........'\'...\......... _.·´
  if (%f*ck == 1) msg $chan ............\.............(
  if (%f*ck == 1) msg $chan ..............\............(
  if (%f*ck == 1) msg $chan **** *ou $2- - 7Given finger:4 %****
}

on *:text:!dance*:#: { if ($2 == $null) describe $chan dances for $nick $+ ! v(^_^)v ^(^_^)^ <(^_^<) (>^_^)>
  else { describe $chan dances for $2 $+ ! v(^_^)v ^(^_^)^ <(^_^<) (>^_^)> }
}
on *:text:!beer *:#: { if ($2 == $null) describe $chan gives $nick an ice cold beer!
  else { describe $chan gives $2 an ice cold beer! }
}
on *:text:!coke *:#: { if ($2 == $null) describe $chan gives $nick a coke!
  else { describe $chan gives $2 a coke! }
}
on *:text:!chips *:#: { if ($2 == $null) describe $chan gives $nick a bowl of chips!
  else { describe $chan gives $2 a bowl of chips! }
}
on *:text:!pie *:#: { if ($2 == $null) describe $chan throws a pie in $nick $+ 's face!
  else { describe $chan throws a pie in $2 $+ 's face! }
}

on 1:TEXT:!8Ball*:#:{
  var %8ball = $rand(1,122)
  if (%8Ball == 1) .timer 1 2 msg $chan 5,15 4OF COURSE STUPID! 
  if (%8Ball == 2) .timer 1 2 msg $chan 5,15 Hell no!
  if (%8Ball == 3) .timer 1 2 msg $chan 5,15 1A little donation might help...
  if (%8Ball == 4) .timer 1 2 msg $chan 5,15 YOU CANT HANDLE THE TRUTH!
  if (%8Ball == 5) .timer 1 2 msg $chan 5,15 Maybe...
  if (%8Ball == 6) .timer 1 2 msg $chan 5,15 Definatly!
  if (%8Ball == 7) .timer 1 2 msg $chan 5,15 Ask some other time, fool.
  if (%8Ball == 8) .timer 1 2 msg $chan 5,15 If you bow down to me..
  if (%8Ball == 9) .timer 1 2 msg $chan 5,15 Are you sure you want to know the answer??
  if (%8Ball == 10) .timer 1 2 msg $chan 5,15 awwww HELL NAWWWW!
  if (%8Ball == 11) .timer 1 2 msg $chan 5,15 Most likely.
  if (%8Ball == 12) .timer 1 2 msg $chan 5,15 Probly not.. Sorry.
  if (%8Ball == 13) .timer 1 2 msg $chan 5,15 Problably not dude.
  if (%8Ball == 14) .timer 1 2 msg $chan 5,15 Guess not sucka!
  if (%8Ball == 15) .timer 1 2 msg $chan 5,15 So is it a deal?
  if (%8Ball == 16) .timer 1 2 msg $chan 5,15 Im sorry, NO!
  if (%8Ball == 17) .timer 1 2 msg $chan 5,15  answer you  later
  if (%8Ball == 18) .timer 1 2 msg $chan 5,15 Definantly NOT.
  if (%8Ball == 19) .timer 1 2 msg $chan 5,15 Doubtfull..
  if (%8Ball == 20) .timer 1 2 msg $chan 5,15 A question i dont even no the answer to...
  if (%8Ball == 21) .timer 1 2 msg $chan 5,15 What kind of question is That?
  if (%8ball == 22) .timer 1 2 msg $chan 5,15 Me No Speak English!
  if (%8ball == 23) .timer 1 2 msg $chan 5,15 Don't Think So!
  if (%8ball == 24) .timer 1 2 msg $chan 5,15 Why You Keep Asking Me Questions
  if (%8ball == 25) .timer 1 2 msg $chan 5,15 N0o F-ing Way! 
  if (%8ball == 26) .timer 1 2 msg $chan 5,15 What Kinda Question Is That?
  if (%8ball == 27) .timer 1 2 msg $chan 5,15 Of Course!
  if (%8ball == 28) .timer 1 2 msg $chan 5,15  Don't Feel Like Answering Right Now!
  if (%8ball == 29) .timer 1 2 msg $chan 5,15 You Are Supposed To Shake Me Idiot!
  if (%8ball == 30) .timer 1 2 msg $chan 5,15 Err!
  if (%8ball == 31) .timer 1 2 msg $chan 5,15 Hmmm Mabey!
  if (%8ball == 32) .timer 1 2 msg $chan 5,15 Michael Jackson Touched This 8Ball
  if (%8ball == 33) .timer 1 2 msg $chan 5,15 Leave Me Alone I'm Watching Opera
  if (%8ball == 34) .timer 1 2 msg $chan 5,15 The Answer To That Question Yes... If i get 10 dollars out of it?
  if (%8ball == 35) .timer 1 2 msg $chan 5,15 You Sure You Don't Wanna Play?
  if (%8ball == 36) .timer 1 2 msg $chan 5,15 Yes, If You Go To The Circus!
  if (%8ball == 37) .timer 1 2 msg $chan 5,15 Yes, But Mabey No!
  if (%8ball == 38) .timer 1 2 msg $chan 5,15 Huh?
  if (%8ball == 39) .timer 1 2 msg $chan 5,15 In Your Dreams!
  if (%8ball == 40) .timer 1 2 msg $chan 5,15 You Will Fart Real Soon!
  if (%8ball == 41) .timer 1 2 msg $chan 5,15 You Think I Know Everything?
  if (%8ball == 42) .timer 1 2 msg $chan 5,15 Yes, But Only On The Weekend!
  if (%8ball == 43) .timer 1 2 msg $chan 5,15 Yes Sir!
  if (%8ball == 44) .timer 1 2 msg $chan 5,15 The Answer Is No!
  if (%8ball == 45) .timer 1 2 msg $chan 5,15 Maybe Next Year!
  if (%8ball == 46) .timer 1 2 msg $chan 5,15 I'll Ignore That Question!
  if (%8ball == 47) .timer 1 2 msg $chan 5,15 How Could You Ask Me Something
  if (%8ball == 48) .timer 1 2 msg $chan 5,15 How Should I Know!
  if (%8ball == 49) .timer 1 2 msg $chan 5,15 You Need A Hair-Cut!
  if (%8ball == 50) .timer 1 2 msg $chan 5,15 Everyone Expects Me To Know
  if (%8ball == 51) .timer 1 2 msg $chan 5,15 I'm Busy!
  if (%8ball == 52) .timer 1 2 msg $chan 5,15 Resistance Is Futile!
  if (%8ball == 53) .timer 1 2 msg $chan 5,15 Yes, But I Don't Know Why!
  if (%8ball == 54) .timer 1 2 msg $chan 5,15 What A Dumb Question!
  if (%8ball == 55) .timer 1 2 msg $chan 5,15 I Ain't Answering That One!
  if (%8ball == 56) .timer 1 2 msg $chan 5,15 Why Me?
  if (%8ball == 57) .timer 1 2 msg $chan 5,15 I Don't Know!
  if (%8ball == 58) .timer 1 2 msg $chan 5,15 Yep!
  if (%8ball == 59) .timer 1 2 msg $chan 5,15 I Hope Not!
  if (%8ball == 60) .timer 1 2 msg $chan 5,15 Sounds Like A Plan!
  if (%8ball == 61) .timer 1 2 msg $chan 5,15 Yes, If You Go To The Circus!
  if (%8ball == 62) .timer 1 2 msg $chan 5,15 i Go Ask Dr. Phil!
  if (%8ball == 63) .timer 1 2 msg $chan 5,15 I'll Answer Next Time!
  if (%8ball == 64) .timer 1 2 msg $chan 5,15 That Is Correct $nick $+! Btw, I Know Your Name, And Where You Live, Mwhahahaha!
  if (%8ball == 65) .timer 1 2 msg $chan 5,15 I Refuse To Answer That!
  if (%8ball == 66) .timer 1 2 msg $chan 5,15 Talk To Tha Hand Cause The 8ball
  if (%8ball == 67) .timer 1 2 msg $chan 5,15 No, and I'm Not Giving You My you know what -.- 
  if (%8ball == 68) .timer 1 2 msg $chan 5,15 Is This A Sexual Question?
  if (%8ball == 69) .timer 1 2 msg $chan 5,15 Hell No!
  if (%8ball == 70) .timer 1 2 msg $chan 5,15 Forget It!
  if (%8ball == 71) .timer 1 2 msg $chan 5,15 The Answer Would Leave You Heart
  if (%8ball == 72) .timer 1 2 msg $chan 5,15 Blame It On Canada!
  if (%8ball == 73) .timer 1 2 msg $chan 5,15 That Question Freaked Me Out!
  if (%8ball == 74) .timer 1 2 msg $chan 5,15 Blah, Blah, Blah!
  if (%8ball == 75) .timer 1 2 msg $chan 5,15 How Bout I Ask You A Question?
  if (%8ball == 76) .timer 1 2 msg $chan 5,15 YES! YES! YES!
  if (%8ball == 77) .timer 1 2 msg $chan 10,1 t's Funny How People Expect Me To Know EVERYTHING!
  if (%8ball == 78) .timer 1 2 msg $chan 5,15 I Agree!
  if (%8ball == 79) .timer 1 2 msg $chan 5,15 Si!
  if (%8ball == 80) .timer 1 2 msg $chan 5,15 No No No!!!!
  if (%8ball == 81) .timer 1 2 msg $chan 5,15 Good Question!
  if (%8ball == 82) .timer 1 2 msg $chan 5,15 Did I Say Yes Last Time?
  if (%8ball == 83) .timer 1 2 msg $chan 5,15 Who Do I Look Like A Shrink?
  if (%8ball == 84) .timer 1 2 msg $chan 5,15 I Ain't No Fortune Teller!
  if (%8ball == 85) .timer 1 2 msg $chan 5,15 As Far As I Know... Yes!
  if (%8ball == 86) .timer 1 2 msg $chan 5,15 Type !Lotto Next Time!
  if (%8ball == 87) .timer 1 2 msg $chan 5,15 Far Out Man!
  if (%8ball == 88) .timer 1 2 msg $chan 5,15 Who Changed The Color?
  if (%8ball == 89) .timer 1 2 msg $chan 5,15 I Do Believe So!
  if (%8ball == 90) .timer 1 2 msg $chan 5,15 Ummm... Could Be!
  if (%8ball == 91) .timer 1 2 msg $chan 5,15 The Answer Is No Way!
  if (%8ball == 92) .timer 1 2 msg $chan 5,15 I Can't Tell You!
  if (%8ball == 93) .timer 1 2 msg $chan 5,15 Absolutely Not!
  if (%8ball == 94) .timer 1 2 msg $chan 5,15 Sure... Why Not!
  if (%8ball == 95) .timer 1 2 msg $chan 5,15 I Don't Answer Sexual Related Questions!
  if (%8ball == 96) .timer 1 2 msg $chan 5,15 1 8 35 2 27 9 14... Oh Wait You
  if (%8ball == 97) .timer 1 2 msg $chan 5,15 Thats Funny!
  if (%8ball == 98) .timer 1 2 msg $chan 5,15 0Oh Baby!
  if (%8ball == 99) .timer 1 2 msg $chan 5,15 Sorry But It's True!
  if (%8ball == 100) .timer 1 2 msg $chan 5,15 I'll Tell Ya Tomorrow!
  if (%8ball == 101) .timer 1 2 msg $chan 5,15 I'm Feeling Lazy Now!
  if (%8ball == 102) .timer 1 2 msg $chan 5,15 YES! YES! YES!
  if (%8ball == 103) .timer 1 2 msg $chan 5,15 Don't Cry If I Say No! NO!
  if (%8ball == 104) .timer 1 2 msg $chan 5,15 Sometimes I Wish I Was A Weather Bot!
  if (%8ball == 105) .timer 1 2 msg $chan 5,15 It Is So!
  if (%8ball == 106) .timer 1 2 msg $chan 5,15 It Is Not!
  if (%8ball == 107) .timer 1 2 msg $chan 5,15 Yes Is The Answer!
  if (%8ball == 108) .timer 1 2 msg $chan 5,15 No, You Are Never To Old For that...
  if (%8ball == 109) .timer 1 2 msg $chan 5,15 An Affirmative!
  if (%8ball == 110) .timer 1 2 msg $chan 5,15 Are You Insane?
  if (%8ball == 111) .timer 1 2 msg $chan 5,15 Totally!
  if (%8ball == 112) .timer 1 2 msg $chan 5,15 BRB Phone!
  if (%8ball == 113) .timer 1 2 msg $chan 5,15 Strong Chance Thats a Yes!
  if (%8ball == 114) .timer 1 2 msg $chan 5,15 Maybe Today!
  if (%8ball == 115) .timer 1 2 msg $chan 5,15 The Future Looks Bad!
  if (%8ball == 116) .timer 1 2 msg $chan 5,15 I Don't Believe You Asked
  if (%8ball == 117) .timer 1 2 msg $chan 5,15 Sorry I'm Married!
  if (%8ball == 118) .timer 1 2 msg $chan 5,15 I Won't Answer Perverted Questions!
  if (%8ball == 119) .timer 1 2 msg $chan 5,15 I'm Getting A Sinking Feeling!
  if (%8ball == 120) .timer 1 2 msg $chan 5,15 Positive Confirmation!
  if (%8ball == 121) .timer 1 2 msg $chan 5,15  $+ 10-4 Good Buddy!
  if (%8ball == 122) .timer 1 2 msg $chan 5,15 The Next Time The Church People Knock At Your Door They Will Answer That!
}

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